I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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