When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
