Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
