So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
