Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
