wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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