You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
