i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
