Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
