We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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