using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
