if you like me you must not know who I am
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
