i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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