Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
