The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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