I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
