you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
