She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
