I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
