Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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