you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
