I'm really into asian looking animals
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What a dumb baby whore.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
