I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
