dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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