Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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