I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
