he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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