I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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