You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
