I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
