I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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