Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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