the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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