No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
