Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Life is so much better after having sex.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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