At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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