bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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