she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
