I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
