Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
