she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
