my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
