those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
