We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This baby is an asshole
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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