When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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