Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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