no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
