Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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