Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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