my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
