I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
