For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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