he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
