i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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