I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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