And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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