the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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