dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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