dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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