So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When are your genitals available?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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