1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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