Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
