This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize