weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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