the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
