Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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