no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
