i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
