butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
