My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
