He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
