I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
