You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
smell my finger.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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