I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
They took my balls.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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