happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
