i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
