I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
